I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
