I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
