I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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