You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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