I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
