Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
