the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
