Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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