I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
