dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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