hotel room ftw
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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