So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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