i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
