The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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