There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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