Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
