I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
