to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
