There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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