Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Threesome in a minivan. New low
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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