Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
