i'm signing you up for texting rehab
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The Olympian is in my bed
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
