i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
