wakey wakey hands off snakey
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
this is an emotional support booty call
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
