A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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