PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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