I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
