Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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