hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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