Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
