Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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