i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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