Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
