You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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