Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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