Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
