i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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