New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
