Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
