YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Randomize