While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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