Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
