So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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