omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
