OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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