YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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