she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
