what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
