I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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