Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
