he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
