R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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