Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
