just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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