This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
