I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
