the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
