Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
