people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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