I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
