i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
