I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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