Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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