I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
