I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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