This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
