a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
