i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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