I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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