1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so let's talk penis.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
