do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
