I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize