Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
