Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize