If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
