Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
