u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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