So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
