This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
